OVERCOMING OBSTACLES: MY JOURNEY TO A HEALTHY AND FEARLESS LIFE
WOW - how is it 6 years today since the day that I willingly offered up my stomach to the skilled hands of Mister Darrin Goodall-Wilson, to complete my gastric bypass surgery! I was contemplating the story that has unfolded in my life since that fateful day on the 18th of June 2018, and I am so profoundly grateful for the twists and turns that life has taken me on.
Sometimes, I have found that the older I get, the more awareness I have when I am actually walking in a life defining moment. That surgery day was one of them. I didn't know then, just how much things would change, but I knew that my life was going to be forever different! There have been so many of those "Ah Ha" moments over the past couple of years. Some of the stories that have gone on the background will forever be there, behind the scenes, but they have shaped me into the human being that I have become. I can hear the questions that you may be asking because I used to ask them too! "But how? How could I ever change that much?" I am going to be honest here, brutally so. There is no perfect formula. There is no three step process to your perfect life! What there is, is an invitation to decide. We are invited to participate in our own lives every single day.
When you opened your eyes this morning, the invitation was issued. You may not have power to decide everything. Some things are handed to us, we cannot change our genetics, but you do have the power to decide how things will impact you. I had the power to accept the invitation to become and active participant in my own life. I had disqualified myself for years. I uninvited myself from my own life on a daily basis and there were reasons of that. My upbringing, my background, the fact that I had sad things happen to me in childhood, my own brokenness that had seeped into my very soul and caused me to doubt my own worth and my inner rage at all of those things. All of that played a part, but the facts remained, as long as I chose to decline the daily invitation to participate in the answers for my own life, I remained stuck!
I used to think that was the most bullshit, simplistic point of view that had ever issued forth from someones mouth, or flowed out of they fingers in written form. But with years, and life experience slapping me a time or twenty, I now know that I have the opportunity to decide each day. That power started off small! I felt powerless back then but I knew that I needed something to change, and little by little I decided to make changes.
I changed my mind about bariatric surgery. My failed lap band did not mean that all bariatric surgery was bad. It meant that I had a bad experience and one bad experience or even a whole series of them, does not mean that it is a bad idea all together.
I changed my mind about bariatric surgery. My failed lap band did not mean that all bariatric surgery was bad. It meant that I had a bad experience and one bad experience or even a whole series of them, does not mean that it is a bad idea all together.
I changed my circle. I had been surrounded by people that believed very similar things to me and by exposing myself to different things it enabled me to see that I had some limiting self beliefs because of what I had been taught and I wanted that to change.
I changed what I do when I have negative thoughts. I had some incredibly disempowering patterns in my life and I set about changing them.
I said sorry to people and to myself. I had been incredibly harsh and cruel to myself at times and I had to let those things go. I also had to realise that controlling behaviour I grew up believing was normal, was in fact very toxic and I had to change that.
I changed my eating habits and exercise patterns.
I will continue to change and grow as a person throughout life and I love to learn new things!! I am far less afraid these days. I am more prone to saying yes rather than no. I have learned that losing 100 kilos does change us even if we don't think that it has. I have learned that I don't need to walk sideways through doors anymore and I can fit into booth seating when eating out without being afraid.
I have learned that my family truly are the most incredible people. It has been hard for all of us to meander along finding our way. I was a broken person prior to my weight loss surgery. I had carried so much pain along with me and as I have dropped the weight, I have found that the emotional load is lighter, but the awareness that I have around how I used to be is a heavy burden to carry. Sometimes I have regret - right in the middle of wonderful things. A very small example of this is that I can be standing, trying on something that I never thought I would wear, and suddenly feel sadness because of the lost years. But in those moments I remember the invitation. I remember that I get to decide where I will focus today and that is truly power.
Decide well for yourself friends - you deserve the very best.
With Love
Tash xx
