BROKEN

The urge to write can strike at the oddest of times. It has struck me this afternoon, so I am typing away into the screen of my iPhone while sitting at school pick up. Have you ever noticed how odd it looks to glance along a line of cars all parked along the street near the school gate? I find it terribly amusing to see large groups of adults all sitting inside their shiny Audi’s staring down at their crotches 🤣🤣 - that is absolutely how it looks if you happen to be walking along the footpath beside the long line of parked cars.

So that I don’t look like I have an obscene fascination going on, I am making sure to regularly raise my eyes and as I do I lock eyes with a young teen being made to participate in physical education. He looked as thrilled to participate as I always did and it was quite clear that he had NO LOVE for running or ball throwing. Why are genetics so cruel? #useless was uttered by one of his “mates” and his face fell further than before! Gosh - I so hope I didn’t just witness a moment that will speak into that young persons mind for years to come.

I am not going to lie to you - I hated physical exercise but I am old enough to know that the hatred came from the bullying that went along with it, not from an unwillingness to try! I didn’t understand that I could fight back against the unkind words of others when I was a teen. Who am I kidding - I am only just getting a hold of that now! That is what the last few months have been about - shedding the labels that others chose for me - rather than the ones that I wanted to wear.

Lately the most fitting label has been “broken” and some people might think of that as a negative but it’s not to me. To me it’s more like “glorious mess” or “enchanting mystery”! I feel like that at the moment - I feel undone and messy but In allowing myself to be in this position I feel like I will finally find who I was always destined to be. The me that I am without the labels of others, without the preconceived ideas, without the expectations of friends and family. I am finally finding the broken parts that I like the most and carefully placing them back together again. The scariest part about that is that I am changing! I am not who I was before this journey started and that’s a good thing. I am lighter physically AND emotionally and that feels good - Strange yes, but good.